Explode, My Heart

Enough… Holding the veil, Hiding behind smiles, Disguising the very essence of my soul… Enough… Exchanging joy for guilt. Give me sand and you can have what I built, You can take what I bought, what I thought made me whole. Enough… Paying for what is already mine, Taking pain as a sign, That punishment is justified. What have I done? I am running away from time, Leaving my eternal moments behind. And for what? So that I may learn what I already know? So that life can pass me by, outside of my control? Such is my free will…my gift from the divine, And when I awake, Nothing but the dream will remain in my mind. As the tears pool in your eyes, My heart explodes… All of the waiting and painful swallows well up like a volcano, And I overflow… It takes you by surprise. I say, “I don’t need you” instead of “I love you”, and your blood begins to rise. You pace like a caged lion who has lost his roar, Who is chained by his neck to a screaming wall. In despair and desire, guilt and shame, you clench your fists and teach me to breathe. But it only hurts… Take me to the cliff, To the edge of the world, The outskirts of the sublime; I would sooner jump than waste another moment of our precious time, I would sooner take off my shoes, walk on sharp stones and step into grime, As you pace… As you glance at your clock, Puzzled by my diversions. I brush the sand from mangled feet, Roll down my pants, Rise to meet Your long, relentless stride. We walk side by side, My breath a ragged tide. And then, I stop. In the middle of the street. “Wait,” I say. There’s something strange: A mirrored cylinder, a dragon’s spine, Crystals glinting like frozen rain. You see it too. And for a heartbeat, We forget demons, Forget the beating our egos took, Forget the ache that lingers, As mystery hooks Our wonder, And reels us in. “This wasn’t meant to happen,” you sigh, Trying to shove Pandora’s monsters Back inside. But I see them scatter, Hidden in plain sight Among the mangroves’ Breathless night. We walk through the park At a punishing pace, Barely nodding to iguanas Who dash in our wake. I tell you of the body’s two sides, How the feminine coils on the left, The masculine guards the right. I think you aren’t listening, Until you stop in your tracks. “So you see how hard it is to be a man?” The question Lingers, And before I can answer, Your phone rings, Pulling you back Into a lower dimension. You vanish down a rabbit hole. And I… I slip into my “I don’t need you” mode. Alone. At first, I feel lost. Distance feels like safety, A moat between worlds. But then, I hear her voice. Faint at first, A pull more than a sound, Drawing me toward A buried arch Bent into a crooked bench. Its edges blur into dark mist. The grass stirs awake As I near, Creatures blinking, Whispering: “We’ve been waiting.” The bench slants so steep My feet dangle like a child’s. A lizard scurries to a tree Who murmurs, “Look at me.” She is alive. Three eyes crowned with lashes, Arms raised like ancient statues. I stroke her trunk, Trace her bark like skin, And kneel In awe of her beauty. When I find the bench again, I swing my legs and wait. That’s where you find me. You sit far away, Distance between us like a lesson. “I was worried you wouldn’t find me,” I say. “But then I remembered: You found me in an ocean of atoms, In a world of billions of people. Finding me here Is child’s play.” You laugh. At last. And hold out your hand. “Shall we go? I have something to show you.” But first, I lead you to her; The tree. She flutters her lashes shyly, Revealing herself to you. You nearly cry. “You found her,” you say. And you embrace her, Feel her pulse, Stroke her with reverence. We promise to return. Then hurry. The light is fading. This is why you’ve been in a rush; There’s something sacred You’ve longed to show me. Through a tunnel of trees we walk, A canopy of green light, A portal in time. I already know what awaits. You want me to see What you won’t say. The truth of the black wing Bound and broken on your left side. You need to know if I’ll still love you Once I see What’s hidden there. “I love you more.” The phrase Finds its true meaning in my mind. The Angel of Peace And the Goddess of Freedom Hold hands And step into the darkness. Fear stays behind.